Friendship is a powerful tool for building social-emotional skills like empathy, communication, and emotional regulation. For individuals with special needs, these relationships provide a safe space to practice social interactions, navigate conflicts, and boost self-confidence. However, barriers such as societal attitudes, limited access to inclusive spaces, and communication challenges can hinder meaningful connections. Programs like peer mentoring, group activities, and social skills training help bridge these gaps, creating opportunities for friendships to thrive. By focusing on collaboration between families, educators, and communities, we can ensure that these relationships lead to long-term growth and emotional well-being.
An SEL Lesson on How to Make and Keep Friends: Friendship Initiation Skills
Social-Emotional Skills Developed Through Friendship
Friendships create a natural space for building social-emotional skills, especially for individuals with special needs. Through meaningful relationships, they gain opportunities to practice and refine abilities that go beyond surface-level interactions. These skills are essential for managing emotions, resolving conflicts, and engaging fully in their communities.
The beauty of friendships lies in their authenticity – offering a safe environment where individuals can learn, make mistakes, and grow. The lessons learned through these interactions ripple into other areas of life, as outlined below.
Empathy and Understanding Others
Empathy – the ability to understand and share another person’s feelings – flourishes through social connections. When children with and without disabilities spend time together, they start to see the challenges their peers face, nurturing greater understanding and acceptance. Research highlights a direct link between positive attitudes toward disabilities and the quality of friendships (r = 0.22, p < 0.001) as well as the ability to empathize (r = 0.16, p < 0.01). Interestingly, studies show that girls without disabilities often display more inclusive attitudes compared to boys.
Communication and Social Skills
Friendships naturally enhance both verbal and non-verbal communication. Activities like active listening, reading social cues, and expressing oneself clearly are practiced in real-time during peer interactions. Collaborative play and group activities, such as role-playing, allow individuals to rehearse social scenarios and gain confidence. Inclusive settings that encourage peer interactions promote teamwork and acceptance.
Beyond communication, friendships also help individuals develop strategies for handling conflicts and emotions effectively.
Conflict Resolution and Managing Emotions
Disagreements between friends become valuable lessons in resolving conflicts and managing emotions. As Benjamin Farrey-Latz, a Special Education Teacher, puts it:
"Conflicts are an expected part of life. All children need tools to help them resolve the conflicts they will inevitably experience."
Structured programs, like social skills groups, guide participants through activities that build communication, cooperation, and problem-solving skills. For instance, the Program for the Education and Enrichment of Relational Skills (PEERS), developed by Laugeson et al. in 2012, provides targeted training in conversational skills and friendship-building within group settings. Peer mediation also fosters better communication and interaction, encouraging natural social growth.
Through these experiences, individuals learn to identify and express emotions appropriately, while negotiating solutions in everyday situations. Tools like role-playing and social stories further help them understand different perspectives and choose suitable responses in various scenarios.
The emotional security provided by friendships is irreplaceable. As Travis, an individual with a disability, shares:
"It’s important for someone with a disability to maintain strong relationships because we need someone to talk to without feeling like we’re being judged."
This sense of safety enables emotional regulation, honest self-expression, and learning from mistakes without fear of rejection. Ultimately, the skills gained from resolving conflicts and managing emotions in friendships pave the way for stronger community involvement and long-term social success.
Methods for Building Friendships in Special Needs Programs
Creating meaningful friendships in special needs programs requires thoughtful strategies that bring people together through activities designed to develop social and emotional skills. Below, we explore practical approaches and real-world examples that show how these methods can nurture lasting connections.
Peer Mentoring and Buddy Systems
Peer mentoring is a powerful way to encourage friendships by pairing individuals with and without special needs in structured, supportive relationships. A standout example is the South View Middle School‘s Peer Insights Program in Edina, Minnesota. This initiative connects students from special needs classrooms with their general education peers for activities like games, conversations, and school events. As education reporter Erin Golden describes:
"The middle-schoolers sit side by side in the classroom and [at] the lunch table, come together for special events like a dance marathon or the homecoming parade, and hang out on the weekend."
This program has reshaped the school’s culture, breaking down barriers and inspiring many general education students to explore careers in special education. For such programs to succeed, they need proper funding, clear structures, and mentorship tailored to specific disabilities. Training peer mentors on topics like neurodiversity, communication styles, and sensory needs is also key to creating a welcoming environment for neurodiverse students.
To make these systems work well in practice, offering flexible meeting options – whether in person, online, or by phone in quieter settings – is helpful. Using clear communication tools like structured agendas, written summaries, and visual aids ensures everyone stays on the same page. Programs should also emphasize self-advocacy by helping students set goals and lead discussions. For instance, the FIU Embrace Mentoring Program at Florida International University provides role-specific workshops for both mentors and mentees, focusing on intellectual and developmental disabilities.
Group Activities and Team Projects
Group settings are another effective way to build connections, as they naturally encourage collaboration and shared experiences. Cooperative activities not only help children work toward common goals but also develop their social and cognitive skills along the way. Structured group tasks that focus on self-awareness, active listening, recognizing emotions, and problem-solving create an inclusive learning environment where friendships can flourish.
For children with autism or other special needs, visual supports like schedules can make group activities more accessible. Even conflicts that arise during these activities can become teaching moments, offering opportunities to reflect and explore better ways to handle similar situations in the future. Teaching peers to respond to play requests, assist with tasks, and encourage sharing helps foster a sense of inclusion and teamwork.
Team-based projects are particularly effective, as they allow participants to showcase their individual strengths while working toward a shared goal. These projects not only build a sense of community but also highlight the idea that everyone has something valuable to contribute, regardless of their abilities or challenges.
Social Skills Training and SEL Tools
Targeted social skills training is essential for helping individuals build meaningful connections. By focusing on each person’s unique learning needs, these programs provide the foundation for developing friendship skills.
One popular tool is social stories – short narratives that explain social situations and guide children on how to respond appropriately. Using visual supports, verbal prompts, and clear instructions makes these lessons accessible to a wide range of learners.
Mentors also benefit from role-specific training, which equips them with the knowledge and tools to support their mentees effectively. This includes information about specific disabilities, strategies for one-on-one meetings, and access to resources like mentoring handbooks. According to the National Mentoring Resource Center, successful programs help mentors “teach or advise youth, offer support and coping strategies, and help them to feel less alone”.
Regular feedback through surveys and check-ins allows programs to adjust and improve their approaches over time. Additionally, encouraging neurodiverse individuals to serve as peer mentors broadens perspectives and enriches the mentoring experience. These strategies not only help participants form lasting friendships but also reinforce essential social-emotional learning skills.
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Friendship Circle Programs Supporting SEL Development
Friendship Circle runs nearly 90 branches worldwide, offering structured programs that promote social-emotional learning (SEL) by pairing individuals with and without special needs. These programs provide opportunities to practice communication, empathy, and self-awareness in real-life settings.
"The Friendship Circle organization is built on the foundation that focusing on abilities instead of disabilities can lead to strong friendships and teach the lessons of honesty, positive thinking, and commitment."
Here’s a closer look at how their programs support SEL development.
Friends@Home and Sibling Support Programs
The Friends@Home initiative pairs trained teenage volunteers with children who have special needs for weekly home visits. These visits, often accompanied by activity kits, encourage meaningful interactions that build trust, communication, and empathy over time. For siblings, Sibling Support Programs provide a space to share experiences, participate in tailored activities, and develop coping and communication skills. These programs create a sense of community and understanding for the entire family.
Life Skills Training and Sports Nights
These programs combine practical learning with SEL development. Life Skills Programs emphasize self-sufficiency and confidence by blending hands-on training with emotional growth. For instance, Friendship Circle FL offers a Life Skills/Job Training Program for adults 18 and older with developmental disabilities. Participants receive training at The Friendship Cafe and take courses in communication, academics, yoga, relaxation techniques, mentorship, and arts. Similarly, Sports Night allows children to engage in various sports guided by trained volunteers and professionals. These activities encourage teamwork, communication, and problem-solving in an enjoyable environment.
Virtual Activities and Community Programs
Friendship Circle has expanded its efforts online, offering virtual programs that extend SEL opportunities to a broader audience. These activities include games, discussion groups, and creative projects, providing a comfortable space for digital interaction. Holiday Programs allow families to celebrate traditions while fostering connections within their faith communities. Additionally, the Children’s Torah Circle uses arts, crafts, stories, and music to help children develop language and motor skills in a culturally enriching setting. Community events like Walk4Friendship bring families, participants, and volunteers together to practice teamwork, communication, and civic engagement – all while supporting these inclusive initiatives.
Tracking and Maintaining Friendship and SEL Growth
Structured programs may help spark friendships, but the real challenge lies in tracking and sustaining these connections over time. Research highlights that social-emotional learning (SEL) programs can significantly enhance social skills, with medium to large effects, making it crucial to monitor this growth systematically. To truly make an impact, families and educators need to work together across various environments.
Setting SMART Goals for Friendship Development
To make friendship development measurable and actionable, it’s helpful to incorporate SMART goals into Individualized Education Programs (IEPs). Before setting these goals, it’s essential to evaluate each student’s unique social and emotional needs. This can be done through surveys, observations, and conversations with students, parents, and teachers.
Here’s an example of a SMART goal:
"By December 31st, the student will engage in activities to maintain friendships – such as exchanging contact information, planning joint activities, or following up on friends’ important events or achievements – in 9 out of 10 opportunities". Goals like this not only encourage consistent communication but also reinforce emotional regulation skills.
Progress should be closely monitored, and adjustments made as necessary to ensure the program remains effective. Consistency is key to the success of SEL initiatives.
Working with Families and Educators
For SEL programs to succeed, families, schools, and community organizations need to align their efforts. By forming strategic partnerships, students can receive consistent support across all aspects of their lives.
"It is important that school-community partnerships are carefully and strategically cultivated and align on a common language, strategies, and communication around SEL-related efforts and initiatives." – Casel Schoolguide
Families play a pivotal role in SEL development, as skill-building extends beyond the classroom into the home and community. Including community partners on the school’s SEL team ensures regular communication and collaboration, creating a unified approach.
One example of this collaborative model comes from Thurgood Marshall Academy Lower School in Harlem, NYC. Since 2017, the school has partnered with The Meeting House, an afterschool organization that builds social skills through recreation, friendship, and community support. Clinical social workers, community educators, and teaching artists work together under the guiding principle:
"We are the village that raises the child." – Thurgood Marshall Academy Lower School
These partnerships help lay the groundwork for students to maintain friendships long after structured programs end.
Maintaining Friendships Beyond Programs
Once structured programs conclude, maintaining friendships independently can be challenging. School-based programs are especially beneficial during key developmental stages, such as early adolescence, when being seen as prosocial becomes vital for forming friendships. To support students during these transitions, targeted interventions are essential.
Simple actions like texting, calling, or using supervised social media can help students stay connected between meetings. Planning activities around shared interests keeps friendships engaging, while remembering and acknowledging friends’ important events shows genuine care.
"It’s important to start your child in making friends as early as possible. It’s hard. And often it’s awkward, embarrassing work, but it’s worth it if your child can learn to be a friend and then want friends." – Other Parents
Encouraging participation in clubs, hobby groups, or community activities offers natural opportunities to nurture friendships. Role-playing, social stories, and practice in real-life situations can also help students feel more confident in managing relationships on their own.
Service learning is another avenue that combines meeting community needs with opportunities for reflection and skill-building. It not only reinforces SEL but also provides a platform for ongoing social interaction.
Long-term friendships provide continued opportunities to practice empathy, resolve conflicts, and build self-regulation. By focusing on individual strengths and celebrating accomplishments, students are empowered to take ownership of their social-emotional growth, ensuring lasting success.
Conclusion: Building Communities Through Friendship and SEL
The link between friendship and social-emotional learning (SEL) lays a solid groundwork for creating communities where every child has the chance to flourish. We’ve explored how meaningful relationships nurture essential life skills like empathy, communication, conflict resolution, and self-awareness. These skills aren’t just theoretical – they come to life through structured programs that put these principles into action.
Friendships promote inclusion by forming peer networks that make children feel valued and accepted. When kids feel safe and supported in these relationships, they’re more likely to engage confidently in school and other learning spaces, boosting both their academic and emotional well-being.
Structured friendship programs are making a difference. By bringing together children of all abilities, these initiatives break down barriers and celebrate diversity. Friendship Circle is a shining example, offering opportunities that encourage social-emotional growth in meaningful ways.
The role of families, educators, and community members cannot be overstated. By modeling positive social behaviors and reinforcing SEL skills, they help create environments where children can thrive. Whether you’re a parent fostering inclusive play, a teacher running peer mentoring programs, or a volunteer with Friendship Circle, your efforts contribute to a community where every child feels seen, connected, and empowered.
Prioritizing friendship and SEL pays off for life. When SEL becomes a part of our communities at every level, friendships become the bridge to a more inclusive future. These collective efforts don’t just benefit individual children – they strengthen the fabric of entire communities, ensuring that everyone has the chance to grow, connect, and succeed. Together, we’re crafting a world where inclusion and emotional growth go hand in hand.
FAQs
How can parents and educators work together to help children with special needs build friendships and develop social-emotional skills?
Parents and educators play a crucial role in helping children with special needs build meaningful friendships, which are essential for developing social-emotional learning (SEL) skills. The foundation of this support lies in open and regular communication. Whether through scheduled check-ins, meetings, or even shared journals, staying in sync about the child’s needs and progress ensures everyone is working toward the same goals.
Together, parents and teachers can introduce strategies like peer mentoring, small group activities, or inclusive play sessions. These approaches encourage key SEL skills such as empathy, communication, and self-awareness. Beyond skill-building, they also create a sense of belonging, helping children feel more connected to their community.
What are some effective ways to help individuals with special needs overcome barriers to building friendships, like societal biases and communication difficulties?
To support individuals with special needs in forming meaningful friendships, start by prioritizing clear and respectful communication. Speak directly to them, using straightforward and easy-to-understand language. Avoid making assumptions about their preferences or abilities, and instead, encourage open conversations to build understanding and trust.
Another key step is fostering inclusive attitudes within the community. This can involve organizing events that promote awareness, engaging in positive discussions about inclusion, and pushing for accurate and respectful portrayals of individuals with disabilities in media. These actions can help break down stereotypes and create a more welcoming atmosphere.
By improving communication and challenging societal perceptions, we can create environments where genuine connections flourish, and everyone feels appreciated.
How do programs like peer mentoring and social skills training help children with special needs build social-emotional skills for the future?
Programs like peer mentoring and social skills training are key in helping children with special needs build social-emotional skills that can benefit them throughout their lives. Peer mentoring not only boosts self-confidence and emotional resilience but also strengthens interpersonal connections, opening doors to meaningful relationships and greater social acceptance.
Social skills training focuses on developing vital abilities such as communication, self-advocacy, and problem-solving. These programs provide a safe space where kids can practice real-life interactions, setting the stage for lasting friendships and active participation in their communities.
By fostering collaboration and understanding, these structured initiatives create inclusive environments where children can grow socially and emotionally, no matter the setting.